Broken compass

This post is a short reflection on the states we sometimes find ourselves in, where the "thing" that usually gives us direction and subsequently tells us where to put our effort is missing.

I think almost everyone with a mental condition has asked themselves at one point whether what they are doing is enough to help themselves. Throughout our treatment journeys, we go through multiple ups and downs. Progress in treatment is rarely linear and more often that not, treatment is slower than we'd like.

Our healing journeys have us asking if what we are doing is enough or if it’s okay to stop trying so hard, often out of exhaustion rather than complacency. I find that often times, people have a hard time accepting their limitations (myself included) and the answer to the previous questions take a accusatory tone towards oneself. This applies to more than just mental disorders. This is the perception that an external limitation is somehow a ‘defect’ within us, the belief that all the blame for your lack of progress befalls on you alone.

I've often found myself stuck in this state of blame. This brings feelings of shame, guilt, and a sense that I "can't quite hack it". I don't think that there is necessarily anything wrong with this state, or any other state of mind for that matter. Instead something just IS in the moment, because it couldn't be anything else in that same moment. However, I do believe the unnecessary suffering that arises from this state.

If I can use one word to describe this state, it would be overwhelming. We don't know where to look, because our compass is thrown off, so how do we know which direction to go (rest, work, be with friends, change cities, go for a smoke, etc) if what guides us is not there? I think of this guiding force as something abstract, residing in our conscientiousness.

You don't need to hammer the nail further, the wood is already chipped. Let the situation unfold and clarity will come.

I believe there isn’t much we can do while in this state. The incapacity, confusion, and directionlessness you feel are okay. I am not advocating for recklessness or complacency regarding mental health. If you can prevent being in this state, you absolutely. However, I don't think this thought process is as grim as it may sound. You got there because you did not know how to get anywhere else with the tools and resources you had or didn't have. Put on top of that the influence of external circumstances and I think the degree of personal accountability reduces substantially.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post,

João Carvalho

Disclaimer: Everything I share here comes from my own personal research. This blog is never meant to serve as a substitute for professional advice—if you're struggling, I truly encourage you to reach out to a qualified mental health professional.